Parental Responsibility and Custody: A Guide for Parents

What does it actually mean to have parental responsibility? What does the law say about spending time with your child after a separation? And who decides where the child lives?

Family law regulates the relationship between parents and children. It covers everything from establishing parentage to parental responsibility, residence, and visitation. For most parents, these legal frameworks become most relevant when life doesn't go as planned - during separation, disagreements about the child, or questions about rights.

Here you'll find parental responsibility explained in plain language, focusing on what's relevant to you as a parent.

What Is Parental Responsibility?

Parental responsibility is the right and duty to make decisions for your child regarding personal matters. It covers care, upbringing, and the major decisions in your child's life.

Parental responsibility includes the right to decide about:

• The child's name - first and last name
• Medical treatment - consent for surgeries, vaccinations, and similar
• Passport and travel - the child cannot get a passport without consent from those with parental responsibility
• Religion and beliefs - membership in religious communities
• Education - choice of school, daycare, and instruction
• Legal representation - representing the child legally and financially

Parental responsibility is different from day-to-day care. Day-to-day care involves everyday decisions like food, clothes, bedtimes, and activities. The parent who has the child with them on a given day makes these decisions.

Who Has Parental Responsibility?

In most jurisdictions, shared parental responsibility is the default for all children, regardless of whether the parents are married, cohabiting, or living apart.

Married Parents

Married parents automatically have shared parental responsibility from the child's birth. This continues unless a court orders otherwise. After divorce, both parents typically retain parental responsibility unless a different arrangement is agreed upon or ordered by a court.

Unmarried Cohabiting Parents

Cohabiting parents generally have shared parental responsibility, provided that parentage has been legally established (e.g., through a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity or a court order).

Parents Who Don't Live Together

In many modern legal systems, both parents have shared parental responsibility even if they've never lived together, as long as parentage has been established.

Note: Laws vary significantly by jurisdiction. Consult a family law attorney in your area for specific guidance.

Overview - Who Has Parental Responsibility

What Does Shared Parental Responsibility Mean in Practice?

Shared parental responsibility means both parents must agree on major decisions in the child's life. Neither parent can make these decisions alone.

Decisions That Require Agreement

• Moving the child out of the country
• Applying for a passport for the child
• Enrolling the child in or removing them from a religious community
• Consenting to adoption
• Major medical procedures (non-emergency)
• Name changes

Decisions the Custodial Parent Can Make Alone

Even with shared parental responsibility, the parent the child lives with primarily (custodial parent) typically has the right to decide:

• Where in the country the child lives (with notification requirements)
• Which daycare the child attends
• Day-to-day questions about care and upbringing
• Participation in extracurricular activities

With 50/50 shared custody, both parents must agree on all of these points.

Visitation Rights - The Child's Right to Both Parents

Family law establishes that the child has the right to spend time with both parents, even when the parents don't live together. The right to visitation belongs to the child, not the parents, even though in practice it's the parents who organize the schedule.

"Standard" Visitation

While exact definitions vary by jurisdiction, a common starting point for visitation includes:

• Every other weekend
• One evening per week (sometimes with overnight)
• Several weeks of summer vacation
• Alternating holidays

This definition is a starting point, not a requirement. Parents can freely agree on more or less time. The decisive factor is what's in the best interest of the child.

Extended Visitation and Shared Custody

Many parents agree on more time than "standard" visitation, for example 60/40 or 50/50 (shared custody). With shared custody, the child lives equally with both parents.

Shared custody requires:

• Good communication between parents
• Short distance between homes (ideally the same neighborhood)
• Agreement on everyday decisions
• That the child is comfortable with the arrangement

Visitation with Babies and Infants

For very young children, it's important to consider attachment and breastfeeding. Child development experts recommend that visitation with children under one year be adapted to the child's needs for closeness and predictability.

Typical arrangements for infants may include:

• Frequent but short visits (a few hours at a time)
• Gradual extension with overnights when the child is ready
• Flexibility around breastfeeding and sleep routines

Relocation - Notice Requirements

In most jurisdictions, the parent who wants to move with the child must notify the other parent well in advance - often at least 30-60 days before a domestic move. The purpose is to allow parents to discuss and potentially adjust the visitation arrangement.

Rules Around Moving

• The custodial parent can move within the country but must give advance notice
• With shared custody, both parents must agree on relocation
• Moving abroad requires consent from those with parental responsibility, or a court order
• Failure to provide notice can weigh negatively in potential court proceedings

The non-custodial parent cannot prevent the custodial parent from moving but can seek a change in custody through mediation or the courts if the move significantly impacts visitation.

The Child's Right to Be Heard

Family law gives children the right to express their opinion in matters that affect them. The child's opinion should be given weight according to their age and maturity.

The Child's Voice by Age

This doesn't mean the child decides, but that their voice is heard and considered. A 14-year-old who clearly expresses a preference about where they want to live will typically be given considerable weight by a court.

For babies and young children, trained professionals (child psychologists) assess the child's needs and attachment.

Parenting Disputes - When Parents Disagree

When parents can't agree on parental responsibility, residence, or visitation, there are several paths forward.

Step 1: Mediation

Mediation through a family services center or private mediator is often required before a case can go to court. Both parents must participate. The goal is to find a solution in the child's best interest without litigation.

Step 2: Court Proceedings

If mediation fails, the case can be brought before a family court. The court will:

• Appoint a child custody evaluator (psychologist)
• Hear both parents and possibly the child
• Evaluate what is in the child's best interest
• Issue temporary or final orders

Court cases about children are costly and emotionally draining. Most cases are resolved through mediation or agreement.

Exceptions

In cases involving suspected abuse or domestic violence, courts can hear cases without prior mediation. In such cases, the court can also restrict or deny visitation.

Sole Parental Responsibility - When Is It Appropriate?

Shared parental responsibility is the default, but in some situations, one parent may have sole responsibility:

• Agreement between parents - both can sign an agreement
• Court order - the court can grant sole responsibility when shared responsibility is not in the child's best interest
• The other parent is unknown - for example, in anonymous donor conception

What Does Sole Parental Responsibility Mean in Practice?

You can make all decisions about the child's personal matters without consulting the other parent. This includes passports, name changes, medical treatment, and similar matters.

The other parent may still have visitation rights, as visitation and parental responsibility are two separate things.

Establishing Parentage

Parental responsibility presupposes that parentage has been legally established. Common methods include:

• Married to the birth parent at birth - automatic presumption of parentage
• Cohabiting - voluntary acknowledgment of paternity/parentage
• Not cohabiting - acknowledgment of paternity, or court-ordered parentage
• Same-sex partners - varies by jurisdiction; may be established through assisted reproduction or court order

Parentage can be confirmed through DNA testing when there is doubt.

Changing Parental Responsibility and Visitation

Agreements about parental responsibility, residence, and visitation are not set in stone. They can be changed if:

• Both parents agree on a new arrangement
• The child's needs have changed (for example, with age)
• Circumstances have changed significantly (new job, relocation, illness)

Changes both parties agree to can be documented formally. In cases of disagreement, mediation and potentially court proceedings are necessary.

Parental Responsibility and Financial Matters

Family law doesn't directly regulate financial rights, but it's closely connected to:

• Child support - the parent the child doesn't live with typically pays support (calculated based on income, time-sharing, and local guidelines)
• Child benefit/tax credits - usually goes to the custodial parent; may be split with shared custody
• Family leave - both parents have their own entitlements based on local employment law

Practical Advice for Parents

During Separation

1. Seek mediation early - don't wait for conflict to escalate
2. Put the child's needs first - the child's best interest is the only thing that matters legally
3. Create a written agreement - even if you agree, it's important to have everything documented
4. File the agreement officially - register custody and residence agreements as required by your jurisdiction

To Avoid Conflict

• Use a co-parenting calendar or app to stay organized
• Communicate factually and in writing (text or email provides documentation)
• Be flexible about schedule swaps and changes
• Never speak negatively about the other parent in front of the child

For New Parents

If you've recently had a child and are unsure about parental responsibility:

• Confirm that parentage has been legally established
• Verify shared parental responsibility is documented if you're not married
• Know your rights - consult with a family law attorney if needed

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I lose parental responsibility when we separate?

No. Shared parental responsibility is typically maintained automatically after separation, unless the parents agree otherwise or a court changes it. Neither divorce nor moving apart removes parental responsibility.

Can the other parent move to another city with our child?

The custodial parent can typically move within the country but must give advance notice. With shared custody, both parents must agree. The non-custodial parent can take the matter to court if the move significantly impacts visitation.

What's the difference between parental responsibility and day-to-day care?

Parental responsibility covers major decisions (passports, religion, name, medical treatment). Day-to-day care covers everyday matters (food, clothes, bedtimes, activities). You can have shared parental responsibility even if the child primarily lives with the other parent.

Can grandparents get visitation rights?

In most jurisdictions, grandparents don't have automatic visitation rights. If one parent has died, grandparents may be able to petition the court for visitation. In other cases, it's up to the parents to decide contact with extended family.

What happens to parental responsibility if a parent dies?

If the parents had shared responsibility, the surviving parent automatically assumes sole responsibility. If the deceased parent had sole responsibility, the surviving parent or others can apply to assume it.

Sources

• AAP - Family Law and Children
• Child Welfare Information Gateway
• American Bar Association - Family Law

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