When parents don't live together, they need to agree on where the child will live and who makes decisions. Family law is designed to ensure that children maintain good contact with both parents.
This guide gives you an overview of the rules for visitation, parental responsibility, and custody — based on the best interests of the child.
Parental Responsibility
Parental responsibility refers to the right and obligation to make important decisions for the child. This includes choices about the child's name, religion, healthcare, passport, and international relocation.
Who Has Parental Responsibility?
Married parents: Automatically share parental responsibility.
Cohabiting parents: Automatically share parental responsibility if the parents were living together when the child was born.
Parents who don't live together: The mother typically has sole parental responsibility, unless the parents agree to share it. The father can request shared responsibility through the courts.
Shared parental responsibility means both parents must agree on major decisions for the child. Day-to-day decisions (meals, clothing, bedtime) are made by whichever parent the child is with.
What Does Parental Responsibility Cover?
With parental responsibility, you can:
- Choose and change the child's name
- Decide about baptism or naming ceremony
- Apply for the child's passport
- Make medical decisions
- Decide about international relocation
- Enroll the child in religious communities
Without parental responsibility, you still have visitation rights and a duty to support the child financially.
Primary Residence
Primary residence is where the child has their registered address. The residential parent makes decisions about daily life, such as daycare, extracurricular activities, and domestic relocation.
Shared Residence
Shared residence means the child lives equally with both parents. Both then have equal decision-making authority in everyday matters.
Shared residence works best when:
- The parents live near each other
- The parents cooperate well
- The child is comfortable with the arrangement
- Practical logistics work (school, daycare)
Common Custody Arrangements
| Arrangement | Description |
|---|---|
| Shared residence 50/50 | Alternating weeks with each parent |
| Primary residence with visitation | Lives with one parent, visits the other |
| 60/40 split | Unequal division, e.g., 9/5 days |
| Custom arrangement | Tailored to the family's needs |
For young children (under 3), many child development experts recommend more frequent but shorter visits rather than long periods away from the primary caregiver. The child needs stability and predictability. Monitor your child's developmental milestones — they can help you adapt the custody arrangement by age and stage.
Visitation Rights
Family law establishes that the child has the right to spend time with both parents, and that both parents have a responsibility to ensure this happens.
"Standard Visitation"
Standard visitation is commonly defined as:
- Every other weekend (Friday–Sunday/Monday)
- One weekday afternoon with overnight stay
- Two weeks of summer vacation
- Alternating major holidays
This is a starting point, not a fixed rule. Parents can freely agree on more or less visitation.
Visitation with the Youngest Children
For babies and toddlers, visitation is adapted to the child's needs:
0–1 years: Frequent, short visits. The baby needs stability and closeness with the primary caregiver. Typical: Several hours, multiple times per week.
1–3 years: Gradual expansion with overnights. The child can handle more time away but still needs consistent routines.
3+ years: Most children can handle an every-other-week arrangement from this age.
The visitation arrangement should be adapted to the child's age and needs, not the parents'. Consistent routines, safe transitions, and predictability are key for the youngest children.
How to Create a Custody Agreement
Private Agreement
Parents can create an agreement between themselves. It doesn't need to be approved by any authority, but it's recommended to put it in writing.
A good custody agreement should include:
- Division of time (weekdays, weekends, holidays)
- Drop-off and pick-up (times and locations)
- Holiday arrangements (summer, winter break, major holidays)
- What happens when the child is sick
- Contact rules between the child and the other parent
- Cost sharing (daycare, equipment, clothing)
Family Mediation
Many communities offer free or low-cost mediation services. Mediation is often required for parents with children under 16 who are separating.
During mediation, a trained mediator helps you:
- Create a custody agreement
- Handle conflicts
- Keep the child's needs at the center
- Find practical solutions
Family mediation is often free or low-cost. You'll typically receive a mediation certificate after the initial session, but it's recommended to use multiple sessions to find a good solution.
The Courts
If parents cannot reach an agreement, the case can be brought to court. The court decides based on the best interests of the child.
The court can determine:
- Who gets primary residence
- The extent of visitation
- Whether parental responsibility is shared
The court can also order supervised visitation if there are concerns about the child's safety.
Finances After Separation
Child Support
The non-custodial parent typically pays child support to the residential parent. Read our complete guide to child support for rates and calculations.
With shared residence (50/50), support may be lower or waived, depending on the income difference between the parents.
Travel Costs
Travel costs for visitation are usually shared between parents based on their financial situation. If parents live far apart, this is negotiated as part of the custody agreement.
Government Benefits
With shared residence, government child benefits may be split between parents. Check with your local social services office for details.
When Things Don't Work
Visitation Interference
If one parent repeatedly prevents visitation, the other parent can:
- Document each incident
- Seek mediation
- Bring the case to court
- In serious cases: Contact enforcement authorities
Concerns About the Child's Safety
If you're concerned about the child's safety during visitation, you can:
- Contact child protective services
- Request supervised visitation through the court
- Seek temporary suspension of visitation (through an attorney)
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I move with the child without the other parent's consent?
Domestically: The residential parent can typically move, but must notify the other parent in advance (often 30–90 days). The other parent can bring the case to court if the move significantly changes the visitation arrangement. For international moves, consent from both parents (or court approval) is usually required.
At what age can the child decide for themselves?
From around age 7, the child's opinion should be considered. From age 12, the child's opinion should carry significant weight. The child has the right to be heard, but adults (or the court) make the final decision.
Can grandparents request visitation?
Family law generally does not give grandparents automatic visitation rights. However, if a parent passes away, grandparents may petition the court for visitation. In practice, parents are encouraged to facilitate contact with the child's extended family.
This article is based on general family law principles. For legal advice, contact a family law attorney or a mediation center in your area. Some communities offer free legal counseling.
Sources
- American Bar Association. "Family Law." americanbar.org
- UNICEF. "Children's Rights." unicef.org
- National Parents Organization. "Shared Parenting." sharedparenting.org