Biting and Hitting at Daycare: What You Can Do

Your phone rings in the middle of the workday. It is daycare. Your child has bitten another child again. You feel the shame rise, the worry arrive, and maybe some frustration that it is happening yet again.

Biting and hitting at daycare is something many parents experience, and it triggers strong emotions. But this is a normal developmental phase, not a sign that something is wrong with your child. Here are 6 concrete strategies to help — in collaboration with the daycare.

Why does it happen more often at daycare?

Daycare is a demanding social environment for a small child. Compared to home, daycare contains many more situations that can trigger biting and hitting:

• Competition over toys: Several children want the same car
• Close proximity to other children: Physical closeness all day requires impulse control the child does not yet have
• Overstimulation: Noise, many impressions and a long day wear on self-regulation
• Fatigue: The child may sleep less well at daycare than at home
• Communication frustration: The child has something they want to say but lacks the words

A child's brain between 1 and 3 years is simply not developed enough to consistently inhibit impulses. The prefrontal cortex, which governs impulse control, does not fully mature until around 3–4 years of age.

Understand what your child is communicating

Biting and hitting are almost always communication. Your child is trying to say something they have no words for. Your job is to find out what.

Common messages behind the biting:

• "Get away from me, you are too close"
• "I want that toy and I don't know how to ask"
• "I am tired and overwhelmed"
• "I am scared and defending myself"
• "Look at me! I need attention"

Talk with the daycare about what happens right BEFORE the incidents. A pattern will help you put the right measures in place.

6 strategies that help

1. Create a joint plan with daycare

Ask for a meeting with your child's primary caregiver. Create a plan together with consistent, matching responses at home and at daycare. Your child needs consistency.

The plan should include:

• How adults respond in the moment (brief, calm, firm)
• Preventive measures (reducing triggers)
• Communication strategy (what to say to the child)
• Timeline for evaluation (2–4 weeks)

2. Practice words at home

Give your child alternatives to biting through role play at home. Use stuffed animals or figures and practice scenarios:

• "Teddy wants the car. What can teddy say? — My turn!"
• "The doll is angry. What can the doll do? — Stamp on the floor!"
• "The rabbit is sad. What can the rabbit do? — Say stop!"

Practicing in a safe environment makes it easier to remember the strategy in stressful situations at daycare.

3. Build your child's vocabulary for emotions

A child who can say "angry," "sad" or "my turn" has an alternative to biting. Actively work on naming emotions in daily life:

• "You look happy right now!"
• "Did you get angry when the block fell?"
• "It is okay to be sad. Do you want a hug?"

4. Ensure enough rest and food

A child who is rested and well-fed has better impulse control. Make sure your child gets enough sleep at night and eats a good breakfast.

Talk with the daycare about the nap schedule. Some children need a longer or shorter nap, and this can affect behavior for the rest of the day.

5. Give extra attention at home

Children who bite to get attention need more positive attention. Set aside 15–20 minutes daily for undivided one-on-one time with your child. Let the child choose the activity.

Praise the behavior you want to see more of: "I'm so proud that you said 'my turn' to your sister instead of grabbing!"

6. Prepare your child for daycare in the morning

A brief conversation on the way to daycare can help: "Today we'll remember to use our words. What do we do if we want a toy?" Short, positive reminders prepare the child mentally.

When your child gets bitten

If your child is the one who gets bitten, it is natural to feel angry or worried. A few things to remember:

• Comfort your child and check any wound
• Do not demand to know which child bit — daycare staff do not disclose this out of consideration for both families
• Talk with the daycare about what measures they have put in place
• Explain to your child that the other child is still learning

Age-typical versus concerning behavior

There is a big difference between the challenges of normal development and behavior that requires extra follow-up.

Age-typical (1–3 years):

• Sporadic biting, often in specific situations
• The child shows remorse or reacts to the other child's reaction
• Behavior decreases with age and language development
• The child is otherwise happy and developing well

Should be followed up:

• Biting/hitting increases in frequency after age 3.5
• The child shows little empathy or interest in others' reactions
• Behavior occurs without a clear trigger
• The child seems chronically frustrated, sad or unsettled
• The child is hurting themselves

Contact your pediatrician if you are unsure. They can assess the child's overall development and refer you on if needed.

Working with daycare: Practical tips

• Daily communication: Ask for a brief update at pickup. Not just about biting, but about the whole day
• Common language: Agree on what you both say to the child in the moment. Consistency between home and daycare helps
• Share successes: Tell daycare what works at home, and vice versa
• Evaluate regularly: Schedule a follow-up meeting after 3–4 weeks to assess whether the measures are working
• Be patient: Behavioral change takes time. Do not expect immediate results

Frequently asked questions

Does biting mean my child is aggressive?

No. Biting in toddlers is communication, not aggression in the adult sense. The child lacks impulse control and verbal skills. This is a phase that passes in the vast majority of children by age 3–4.

Should my child change daycare?

In the vast majority of cases, it is not necessary. Biting follows the child, not the daycare. Changing environment can actually worsen the situation because the child loses secure relationships and has to adjust again.

Can daycare refuse to keep my child?

Daycare cannot remove your child's place due to biting alone. They have an obligation to accommodate and put measures in place. If you feel pressure, contact your local childcare authority.

How long does this phase last?

Most children stop biting between 2.5 and 3.5 years. Hitting can last somewhat longer, but decreases noticeably after age 3 as language and impulse control mature. With active measures from home and daycare, the duration can be shortened.

Biting and hitting at daycare is challenging for everyone involved, but it is a phase that passes. With understanding, collaboration and concrete strategies, you help your child find better ways to express themselves.

Read more about biting and hitting in toddlers generally or emotional development in children.

Sources

1. AAP — Aggressive Behavior in Children
2. CDC — Child Development
3. Zero to Three — Social-Emotional Development